Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
