I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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