Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
