is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
