wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pants are for mortals
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
