I didn't shave. On purpose
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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