my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
