I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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