Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
