you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
