We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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