omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize