I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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