she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When are your genitals available?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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