does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
