in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
