People in love make me want to vomit
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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