I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
