You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
