ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
