She's JV to your varsity
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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