I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've blown a few things in my day
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
