She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
