I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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