The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
