I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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