I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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