I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize