I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
