I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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