I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize