Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
