I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
