Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
