if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
