That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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