so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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