Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
