At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
