Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
