Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
