when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
