Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think your dad took our porno
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
