yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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