I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
