Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
