The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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