A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
