i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize