For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
