the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
