I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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