please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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