The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
vagina is talking i cant
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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